Started an Easter tradition this year.
I decided to honor Jesus by disappearing Friday evening, and staying gone until late Sunday. I think next year I might broaden it a bit by having dinner on Thursday night with twelve of my friends.
Except I don’t have twelve friends. I think I have, maybe, four.
So, time to start making new friends.
Anyway…
1) “I’m your huckleberry.”
Since Val Kilmer passed away a few weeks ago, movie clips of him have been showing up on YouTube quite a bit. Specifically, lots of clips from TOMBSTONE, which, as I mentioned in an earlier Dispatch, is easily in my top 5 favorite movies.
Yes, I know the movie isn’t historically accurate (pretty close, though). But the story is fun and the acting is topnotch. I saw a clip of Kurt Russell talking about it recently, and he said something to the effect of:
It may not be the greatest western ever made, but name another western people can quote so much of the dialogue from as they do this one.
He’s right. There are so many memorable bits of dialogue and scenes… And, of course, Val’s performance as Doc Holliday. There are two instances in the film where Val, as Doc, says, “I’m your huckleberry.”
It’s a southern phrase, not widely used, that means, “I’m the man for the job.”
Years ago, someone online claimed that Val did not say “I’m your huckleberry,” but instead said, “I’m your huckle bearer.” The claim was that caskets used to have handles made out of “huckles” (whatever that is), and to say “I’m your huckle bearer” is essentially saying, “I’ll be your pall bearer.”
Good one, right? I mean, if you excuse the fact that no one ever heard the term “huckle” or “huckle bearer” in relation to caskets before, or that people in the old west were generally buried in plain wooden boxes with no handles on them, it would sound almost plausible.
Here’s the thing:
“I’m your huckleberry,” was a phrase that was used in the late 19th and early 20th Century. “I’m your huckle bearer” was not.
The screenplay, which is available online, clearly says “huckleberry.”
Every showing of the movie, the closed caption says “huckleberry.”
If you listen to Val’s voice, it’s clear he says “huckleberry.”
Thousands of t-shirts and posters have been printed over the years that use the phrase (with Val’s picture of him as Doc) “I’m your huckleberry.”
Years ago, Val was asked to clarify what he said in the movie, and he stated it was “huckleberry.”
Val titled his memoir “I’m Your Huckleberry.”
People have made YouTube shorts to clear up this misconception and listed many of the things I’ve listed above as proof that the phrase is “huckleberry.” Even beyond that – the actor from the movie stated, on camera and on mic, that he said “huckleberry,” and used the phrase as the title for his memoir. So, if there was any question about it, you would think this would clear it up. Right?
Well…
Now that Val has passed, there are a new influx of TOMBSTONE clips on YouTube, which also come with many new comments. Most of them talk about Val’s performance and how he should have won an Oscar (agreed), and also how great the movie is (also agreed). But every once in a while, there’s a comment from someone going, “Actually, he’s saying ‘huckle bearer,’ not ‘huckleberry.’” Occasionally, someone will set the commenter straight, but more often than not, they ignore them.
Because what’s the point? This urban myth, or however you want to label it, was disproven years ago. This isn’t the point I’m trying to make, though.
I find it funny…and sad…that we have pretty much the entirety of human knowledge available to us in the palms of our hands, and people can still be wrong in what they say and write. Most people will not take the time to do a scintilla of research, but instead will rely on something someone said or posted on social media years ago, and use that as a basis of fact.
Think about this:
A person sees a clip of Val Kilmer saying, “I’m your huckleberry,” and they are reminded of a rumor someone started years ago, that the word was “huckle bearer” and not “huckleberry.” Then, even though they have a personal computer in their hand and can find out in ten seconds that this was disproven, will instead post a comment and repeat the rumor.
Humans can fact check pretty much everything today with their own personal computer they carry in their hand (or pocket), but will instead repeat a rumor they heard years ago, and claim it’s fact.
Funny? Or sad? I can’t decide. Probably both.
2) I wish, sometimes, life was more like the movies. How so? Glad you asked…
One way is, I wish everyone had their own theme song. Something that would play when you entered a room. You can pick the song, and change it as time goes on (and you get sick of it), but it should convey whatever mood you want. Think how cool that would be.
But you should be able to have the option to not have the song play. Like when you come out of the bathroom, or you’re going from room to room in your house. The song constantly starting up every time would eventually wear on your nerves. And everyone else’s.
It should play when you enter your work or someone’s house. When you arrive at a party. Or entering a restaurant or bar.
Again, you should be able to turn this theme song off so it doesn’t become monotonous. Also, there should be a safety switch that keeps it from playing if too many people are gathered at one location. Otherwise, the noise of everyone’s theme song playing at the same time would be unbearable.
Another movie thing I’d like to see in real life:
Whenever there’s an unpleasant job or hard task you need to accomplish, such as paint a house, clean an overflowing storage shed, build a barn, distribute ten thousand flyers, etc… You can switch to a music montage.
The song starts. Brief scenes of you and your friends doing the work. Song continues. More scenes. Then the song finishes and the job is complete.
There. In the space of one song, you completed the work that would normally take hours, or days, to finish.
3) Okay, I’m trying really hard to stay out of political discussions on here. But…
Remember how during Trump’s first term, people were nostalgic for George W. Bush? People were like, “Wow, as much as we hated Bush, we’d give anything to have him back over this guy!”
Well, our current VP, J.D. Vance, makes me feel nostalgic for Mike Pence.
It’s kind of like the universe said,
“Oh, you thought that VP was bad? Hold my beer.”
4) What I’m reading:
Pretty much given up on ALL THE COLORS… Good writing, but man, I felt like I was physically aging while reading that book. I need stories to move. That one moved like a glacier.
Still reading MASKED, the anthology of superhero prose short stories. Good stuff, and so far, haven’t come across a bad one (story). Most of the writers have prior experience writing for comic books, so they know what works and what doesn’t when it comes to the supes. Writing for comics doesn’t always translate to writing prose, but so far, they seem to have a good handle on it.
Also recently picked up AMERICAN SKIN by Ken Bruen.
Bruen is a crime writer that recently passed away, and while reading some great tributes to him by other crime writers online, I was surprised to realize that although I’m a fan of crime fiction, I had never sampled Bruen’s work before. Seeing as how other crime writers held him in high esteem, I decided to check out his work.
There’s quite a bit to choose from, but this title stood out to me. It’s about a guy from Ireland on the run and hiding out in America, trying his best to hide his accent and pass for American, while running afoul of a contract killer, and whose path crosses with a psychotic murderer. (Got all that?)
I like my crime fiction gritty, and this one is definitely that. I’m surprised they didn’t print the pages on sandpaper.
5) What I’m watching:
WHITE LOTUS recently wrapped up its 3rd season, and although everyone’s talking about it, I can’t seem to bring myself to sample the show. The few clips I’ve seen online, and even the stories about the behind-the-scenes drama, have done nothing to stoke my interest.
I did try SUGAR, a Colin Farrell series on Apple. On the surface, it appears to be a typical hard-boiled P.I. show, but there’s so much more going on underneath, that it’s hard to predict and hard to pin down.
Farrell plays John Sugar, the best dressed, most stylish private investigator you’ve ever seen. Sugar is obsessed with movies, mostly old ones, and there are tons of references to them in the show. He’s also obsessed with finding missing people.
The show is twisty and multi-layered, but beyond the central mystery, there’s also the mystery about the main character and who…or what… he really is.
I’m looking forward to the reveal, and hoping it’s not a huge disappointment. And also fighting the urge to look it up online and spoil it for myself.
Also nice to see Amy Ryan pop up in the show, as I don’t think I’ve seen her in anything since THE OFFICE.
Also, last week, I caught KNOX GOES AWAY, a film starring and directed by Michael Keaton.
The movie is about a hitman who is quickly descending into dementia, and is called upon by his estranged son to help him out of a jam. Keaton plays the hitman, who has only a few weeks to come up with a plan to save his son before his mind is completely gone. Keaton is a decent actor, and possibly an even better director, and although the movie has a few plot holes and “Oh, come on!” moments, it all works thanks to the likability of the main characters and some snappy dialogue.
Personal favorite:
When one character, a vegan, suddenly starts chowing down on a plate of spare ribs:
“I’m starving! I’ve been starving for six years!”
That’s your Dispatch for the week.
Slade Grayson is a writer who relies on the kindness of strangers. And readers. And sometimes strange readers. You can buy his books here, or buy him a coffee here.