1) I wish people talked about books the way they talk about sports. Like, instead of,
“Yo, man, you see the way Manning threw that pass?” or “That 3-pointer just as the buzzer sounded was crazy, dude!”
They’d say stuff like:
“Yo, you see the way the author used that turn of phrase? Crazy, right?”
“That plot twist in the last chapter? It had me screaming at the page!”
“Not gonna lie… The first half of the book, I didn’t think the author was going to be able to pull it off. But that second half? It was insane! Complete turnaround! Never seen character development like that before!”
Stuff like that.
Maybe there’d be live readings with the words up on a giant screen, and the crowd would cheer at certain points of the story or after clever lines.
Yeah, I know. I’m dreaming.
For the record, I’m not a sports guy. I know plenty of people love sports and love watching it, but I find it terribly boring. The only games I can watch from start to finish are the ones my son plays in. Even then, I’m checking my phone for the time during the second half.
2) Years ago, a college professor recommended WAR AND PEACE to me. He had a list of 100 classic novels he thought everyone should read, and WAR AND PEACE was at the very top. It was his favorite book.
I went through his list and there were quite a few books I had read, and many I hadn’t (yet), but I had never attempted WAR AND PEACE. Not because it’s a thick book, but because Russian literature can be a tough read if it’s not translated well.
This is true of any translated literature, of course. The translation can mean all the difference in whether you find the book readable and entertaining, or find it as enjoyable as hiking during a mudslide. I’ve found this to be true especially when it comes to works translated from the Russian language. And no two translators will ever agree 100% on something.
There are several translations of WAR AND PEACE available, but I’ve been reluctant to pick one up for fear of getting a poorly translated one.
Years ago, back when I was still married, my then in-laws were entertaining two guests, both of whom were native Russian speakers. While sitting at the table with them – the two Russians who were in America on student visas, my in-laws (two retired political science professors, both of whom were able to speak and understand Russian), and my then wife – I asked them if they had a recommendation for which translated copy of WAR AND PEACE was the best one. The question came back:
“Why?”
I answered, “Well, I want to read it, and I want the version that’s closest to the original text.”
Again, they asked: “Why?”
Everyone around the table laughed. It surprised me a bit, but I realized that all of them (with the possible exception of my then wife) thought reading WAR AND PEACE was a waste of time. They thought reading any fiction was a waste of time.
It was a conversation I had previously with my father-in-law: He couldn’t fathom why anyone would read fiction when there are countless nonfiction books to be read. Reading a book, without the purpose of educating myself, was in his estimation a waste of time. And writing a fiction book was an even bigger waste of time (again, in his opinion).
I should add that my father-in-law enjoyed watching movies, especially ones with Walter Matthau. I tried to make the comparison that reading fiction was the equivalent of watching movies:
“It’s like a movie for your brain. It’s entertainment, just in a different form.”
Nah, he still didn’t get it. Anyway…
So there I was, sitting at a table of academics, being the butt of laughter because I was interested in reading a complex Russian novel, not for the sake of learning anything, but because I wanted to be entertained by a story that was written over a century ago.
I should add here that I did not feel insulted. Instead, I was mystified. Because as much as those people couldn’t understand why I would want to read fiction… I couldn’t understand why they didn’t want to read fiction. Why would anyone not want to read fiction? See, it’s a two-way street.
People have told me they don’t like to read. “I haven’t read a book since high school.” I’ve heard that from more than one person.
I don’t understand it. I can’t imagine going through life and not reading. But I guess the difference is, I would never laugh at the person.
I might ask them, what was the last book they read and enjoyed. I might recommend a book if they showed a slight interest in perhaps reading something. Might even recommend one of my own books. But I wouldn’t laugh at them.
Epilogue: I still haven’t read WAR AND PEACE. I have the intention to do so, but man, there’s just so many other books out there. One of these days, though…
That’s your Dispatch for the week.
Slade Grayson is a writer who relies on the kindness of strangers. And readers. And sometimes strange readers. You can buy his books here, or buy him a coffee here.