I gave this book to my kids. I’m not necessarily saying you should do the same, but I chose to. And, in all honesty, some people may think me a bad person for doing so. Joel Christian Gill’s graphic novel is a harsh, stunning, guttural, cutting, painful tale. It depicts so many things parents in the middle and middle upper class feel they should shield their kids from: sex, violence, racism, hate, sexual assault. But because it’s how the author handles these issues that I believe it’s important for people living without them to see, both adults and children.
Gill presents a somewhat memoir-ish recounting of an incredibly difficult life. He’s made it clear in the forward that not everything depicted is exact. He’s exploring things that happened to him that have stuck with him, and may have grown and morphed and changed over time. But make no mistake, this is a writer, an artist, who has faced many demons. He presents these things in a way which is amazing, through the eyes of a child. And not just a child, but a growing, budding mind who takes in information in a variety of ways – sometimes cognitive, sometimes emotional, sometimes through physical memory, and sometimes all three. He does not shy away from the things that so many children are exposed to, and he shows them how these kids may see them. Sights and sounds which only make sense once you’re older. There is a moment when he shows the main character sitting in the backseat of a car. His father is up front. There are strange slurping noises. A woman rises from his father’s lap. You know what just happened. I know what just happened. But the child, the character, doesn’t think on it, doesn’t comment on it. He simply exists within that moment, as so many children do in our world. And if that frustrates you as a reader, makes you feel uncomfortable, then Gill has done his job well.
Because this book starts with Gill as an adult. He encounters his teenage son, who has grown up with a better life than Gill had, and there is a moment when Gill wonders if his son is prepared for how dark, how difficult, how dangerous, how bleak the world can be. Then, he takes us along his own journey, one which is heartbreaking. He opens up, in a way most authors are not able to do. He cuts into himself. No. He cuts into wounds which have long ago scabbed and scarred, brings their old, congealed blood to the surface, and lets them bleed again, all for the benefit o the reader. Know this – if you read his tale and don’t find yourself affected, if you purposefully distance your emotional state because what Gill is showing you is ‘too much’, you are doing him a disservice. He is sharing his pain with you. He is sharing his pain with his children. He is putting himself through the hell which was his life so that others can see it and try to do better with their own lives.
My hope is that creating this graphic novel was cathartic for him. I want to believe it helped him put to rest at least a few of those demons, to take off scabs and let new flesh grow in their place. I know it was an incredible tool for my own education. It’s a life I haven’t lived but one that I will think on regularly. It is a reminder that our exteriors are not maps of what our interior lives have been. Beneath our skin there can be so much pain and anger, and if there isn’t, it’s important to know that others can have this. Gill’s book is a wonderful thing for kids who have grown up well, because it allows them a window into a life they haven’t had, but their friends may have, or their partners, or anyone else they encounter as they age. It is a teaching tool, so should you show it to your kids, be prepared to talk about it. They will ask you questions you may be uncomfortable answering. But that’s a good thing. Because growth is hard, and it can hurt. Gill already went through that pain, so maybe now, you won’t have to.