1) I hate driving.
Besides how boring it is, the main reason I hate driving is other drivers. I realized the other day that my typical driving routine is broken up thusly:
50% yelling at other drivers who changed lanes or made a turn without using their blinker.
10% yelling at drivers who obliviously have their blinker on all the time.
40% yelling at other drivers who slow down for green lights.
The first two groups, I understand. They’re idiots.
The third group, the people afraid when they reach an intersection with a green light that the light is suddenly going to skip yellow and go instantly red, so they slow way, way down… Those people, I do not understand. If they’re that scared of intersections, maybe they should just stay home.
There’s another group of drivers that I don’t yell at. Those are the drivers who insist on going 5-10 miles under the speed limit. For those drivers, I simply fantasize that I’m driving a Road Warrior-style truck with a plow on the front, or one of those cowcatchers they use on trains, and I creep up behind their car, then give it a quick ramming. They fly off the road and contemplate their life choices, while the drivers behind me all take their hands off the wheel for a few seconds so they can applaud me.
2) Things that changed when I wasn’t looking:
“Called out,” as in, someone called out of work due to illness. It used to be, someone called in sick. “Where’s Pete?” “Oh, he called in sick this morning.”
When did “called in sick” change to “called out?”
Also, anyone else remember when the red power light on a TV (or appliance) would come on when the device was switched on? Now, the light is on when the TV or other device is switched off…and nothing shines when the device is on.
Confused as to what I said? Read it again. Anyway…
When did companies make the decision to having the light on when a device is switched off? Now, my house is filled by tiny little LED lights shining all the time because I have devices switched off.
3) “Welcome to McDonald’s. Will you be using your mobile app today?”
No. NO! You know what? I’ll never be using my mobile app. I don’t have the app, and I don’t want the app.
If I’m coming through the drive-thru, it’s because I want a cup of coffee, or maybe an Egg McMuffin. Why should I have an app on my phone for that? Why should I have an app on my phone for any fast food place?
What, should we have apps on our phone for everything now? How many apps should we have? When will we draw the line on too many apps?
4) What I’m watching:
BLACK MIRROR, baby. New season. Love the show.
Sometimes the episodes are funny. Sometimes they’re tragic. Often times, they’re both funny and tragic. And I think the show gets better every season.
Interesting that the latest season, Season 7, has a sequel episode to the Season 4 episode, “USS Callister.” It’s the first time the series has done a sequel, and although I wouldn’t want it to become a commonplace occurrence, it was a nice continuation to the story and reached a somewhat satisfying stopping point for the characters.
5) What I’m reading:
Finished MASK, the collection of superhero short stories. Good stuff. Only a couple of stories that felt a bit flat. But no need to call out the authors. It’s all subjective. My least favorite story could be someone else’s favorite.
Now, I’m finishing up the late Ken Bruen’s AMERICAN SKIN. This book gets grittier the more I read it.
That’s your Dispatch for the week.
Slade Grayson is a writer who relies on the kindness of strangers. And readers. And sometimes strange readers. You can buy his books here, or buy him a coffee here.